Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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