I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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