both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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