You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
