idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
