Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I look better un-naked...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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