How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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