what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
