Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
