maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
