so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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