hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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