can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
