just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
