Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
