I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
