I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
