Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
