i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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