Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
