I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize