If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
