I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
