my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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