Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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