just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
