i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
