he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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