I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
