nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize