just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize