By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
