thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
