dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
