she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
