so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
