I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
