i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
