Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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