Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
