Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
