i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
