Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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