fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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