If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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