you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
