Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
