just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
