Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
