I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
