dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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