Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
