Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
