I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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