Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
