She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
