i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
