hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
