Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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