I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
