the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
