it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
