she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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