I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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