I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
