as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
