I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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