We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
