Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
