so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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