you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
