but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
