dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
