After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
