you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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